(note: This is the result of a very long battle with lack of creative expression.. and confidence.. I apologize in advance)

Well.. I finaly looked through my gallery in its entirety after about.. oh.. 5 years or so.. Can't say I'm really happy with or proud of any of it. Really only the last few paintings that I posted I can say that I'm proud of or even show anyone.

Actually, right after i finished those paintings, i graduated from my little community college and went off to Alfred U. for their fine arts program.. You'de think that I'de have tons of work to put on here... no... To put it shortly... in one very long and agonizing semester... that place stripped me of every bit of confidence in myself as an artist.

Haven't really drawn or painted anything since.. and that was about 2 years ago. For a while I was completely through with attempting anything creative.. not good when thats your only "outlet". Anyway.. after a while I started doing little things, I've discovered jewelry making, and costuming.. I draw a little bit now.. here and there.. But after not even touching a pencil creatively to paper (or rather doing 'anything' creative) for over a year.. its a pain-stakeing process of becoming creative again.. Well.. actually its probably really more about learning how to effectively 'express' my creativety again.

Eventhough i cant say I'm proud of my technical skills at drawing back when i first started posting my work on here.. I'm envious.. Back then i didn't really care as much on how 'well' i drawed, it was really just more about manifesting ideas that came to me. Now.. I have to analyse every idea i come up with and debate with myself wether its even 'worth' trying to put on paper.. and even when i do.. i end up frustrated because the results dont (in my mind) express what i want.

Im really not sure how Im going to get out of this rut.. and I dont know when and if I'll ever beable to create something that i can deem 'worthy enough' to post on here again. Its not that i care about critisism, Its just that I'de be putting it up on a website that I'll always eventually come back to and can see it, rather than just store it somewhere that i can forget about if i choose to.

Sigh.. I dont know why Im really writing this.. maybe I'm just hoping some artists may stumble across this that has gone through something like this and can relate.. Or give me advice on how to get out of it.

Im not looking for pity or recognition or really even validation.. Really.. its just one of those rare nights that I simply have to express something thats been on my mind for a long time, in whatever way i can.